I Won't Be The Deer

I want this to work so badly that I've told myself there's no way it won't. Which is dangerous. Because the reality of the situation is that we may not be able to find her. And if we find her she may not agree to meet with us. And even if we find her and she agrees to meet with us she may not be able to physically get to a meeting. And if we do find a way to all be together in the same place at the same time, how will I keep my head/mind/soul/entire being from just collapsing and looking on silently in awe of the woman who made us a family. Just like the last time. I don't want it to be like the last time. This time I want to ask the questions I intend to ask rather than letting my heart crumble and deteriorate into a replica of a deer in headlights. Though there's no way to to prevent heart crumbling in these sorts of matters, so maybe I could just shoot for not being the deer. Oh if only, if only we could get to that point where I'd have to put forth the effort to not be the deer. If only there would be a "this time".

"This time" actually stands a chance of happening. We've reached out to multiple contacts and people seem to be willing to help. And even if "this time" doesn't happen, at least we'll have the experience of enjoying Ethiopia. But I really want "this time" to happen. Really really really. And when it does, I promise not to be the deer.

Phew? Um, No.

A recent encounter with some seemingly naive ignorant ass-wipes women gave me the unfortunate opportunity to set aside one additional little bit that I didn't share in my last post.

"You know, he's really not that dark. No really, he's really light skinned. Phew."

Phew? PHEW? Let's just say I'm very disappointed in myself for not reaching across the table and launching myself into lifetime solitary confinement. Because the boy upstairs is not a "phew", he's by no means "light", and DEAR LORD please grant me sufficient Karma to maintain perspective.

I continue to seek perspective when responding to the daily (yes, daily) encounters that directly impact my family regarding race. It may seem unreal to some that race still plays such a role but it is ridiculously real to us. Ridiculously.

Why should light skinned = phew?

So not OK.

How Sick Was He?

As I sat down with a pair of women who I truly believe have the most loving intentions, I knew I was in for it. Name your adoption cliche and they've undoubtedly shouted it from the highest rooftop.

"Oh look at your gorgeous daughter! You know it always happens that way, you adopt and then BAM you're pregnant!"

"You really are a saint. To think how you saved that boy and now you have a real child. What a blessing."

"She is so gorgeous. It reminds me of how sick your boy was in the beginning. How sick was he again?"

In true Ned Flanders form, OH DIDDLY IGGLY FREAKING YIDDLY!!!!

But really, conversations like this tend to provide that occasional kick in the arse that I need to keep real. Annoying? Yes. Ignorant? Most absolutely. Just one more reason to travel the hell out of our kids so that they NEVER behave that way? YOU BET YOUR BOTTOM DOLLAR.

This Time It's Just Us

Grandma flew out to watch the kids for the weekend (as in 2, two, TWO nights away together...) and we drove north. So far we've been in Lake Placid solo for a grand total of 8 hours and have managed to eat somewhere in the ballpark of 6 meals. I lost track after the Napa Cab that's still causing me to lick my lips like a cat on peanut butter. There are spas and hot tubs and fireside martinis in our future. Our children are as happy and loved as they could possibly be with grandma in charge of their weekend sleepover fiesta. If you're looking for us we might just be too far over the rainbow to find for the next 48 hours. Leave a message. Beep.

When We Go See My Ethiopia Mommy...

He gets it. He so very very gets it. Thumbs down to the folks out there who question the ability of a toddler to remember, really remember, their "things". My toddler remembers his things. He constantly brings up trips we took 2+ years ago (silent muh-huh to myself...) and associates things with places. So now that he's really starting to integrate the idea of having an Ethiopia mommy into his daily thought process he's also really starting to need something to attach that to. And what better than the original attachment, right? Right. So, we're planning a trip to Ethiopia. He needs to go. We need to go. It could be really really good.

Now, I'm not completely naive. I understand the logistics behind introducing my child to his Ethiopia Mommy and the potential for challenges. But that's why this is so important right now. He needs the response to those challenges. He's seen the world, he's been there, he's been told he came from someone else's belly, and he understandably wants to know where "that" looks like. And we're so excited to show him.

We're waiting on our agency for further options and possibilities, and you can bet your bottom dollar we'll take full advantage of everything made available. But the fact is there, it will be the 4 of us and Ethiopia this spring. This Spring.

This Spring.

Sunday Styles

Priorities

It's been tough going for this blog lately, life just seems to be constantly intervening in my plans to write more and more frequently. What once occupied a 3-4 paragraph blog post is now condensed to a 1-2 sentence Facebook status update. Not by choice. I'd still much rather be writing blog posts than opting for the much easier/quicker FB post. I just need to figure out a way to build it back into my list of things to prioritize.

Speaking of Priorities.

A rather common response to my FB posts while traveling is (or is similar to): "How do you manage to go on so many vacations?" Well, traveling has always been a priority for my husband and I, and we always planned to maintain it as a priority once we had children. We maximize every second of my vacation time from work so that we can go on as many trips as possible. I don't spend much $ on clothing, our home is decorated with artwork carefully accumulated through swaps with other artists, and we're big fans of IKEA. We'd rather work a 60 hour work week while simultaneously completing a major project on the house and just forgo sleep than use our vacation time to complete the project on the house when we could be traveling. Some would call this nuts, but there's little we look forward to more than traveling together. So, we cram as much in to our working weeks as possible and save as much of our income as possible so that we we can be on vacation traveling together as often as possible. It's our priority.

We spent Christmas in MN and New Years in Mexico. Despite not being able to fly home to NY in between these two trips due to the epic snow storm that closed all NY airports for what felt like YEARS we were able to make both trips, on time, and in very good spirits. We had to tack on a flight to Houston and spend the night at the hotel airport, but in all honesty all this did was make Ash really happy that he'd finally been to TX - a state Daddy's been traveling to for work pretty frequently lately. And ANYTHING Daddy related is about as cool as it gets for Ash, so the stopover in Houston was just icing for him. And his little sister Leni? Champion. At the ripe old age of 6 months she's already well seasoned in the art of falling asleep the minute the landing gear touches down at our destination.

Next month we're taking them to London for a long weekend, and plans are in the making for a trip back to Ethiopia in April. There's no doubt that this year's vacation time is going to be stretched as thinly as possible.

And we wouldn't want it any other way.

How else do you end up with a story of your 3 1/2 year old dropping his bright blue van matchbox car through the cracks of the ocean-side bar only to be seen looking on in horror (or fascination) at the scene of two giant crabs quickly snatching up the opportunity to play with something new? And then the follow up conversation where said 3 1/2 year old boy insists he needs to swim out to sea to scold the crabs who stole his van. Needless to say there are now two crabs in Mexico with a sparkly new blue van to play with cause there was no way in schizzle mommy was crawling under that deck to rescue the van knowing who were the other occupants under the deck.

Just sayin.

And don't get me wrong. All 4 of us LOVED sleeping in the comfort of our own beds once we returned to snowy plow-deprived NY. But I'll be honest with you, it only took about 12 hours before we were back on kayak.com searching for the next flight.

And A Happy New Year