The List In My Head

Is getting out of control.

And I'm not talking about the "Is he hungry? Is his diaper dirty? Is he hot/cold?" list, I'm talking about the "I've already checked all of the above so what on Earth could be wrong!" list. The items on this list vary from adoption oriented concerns to normal run of the mill first time parenting paranoia to general adjusting to a new life process:

Is the Benedryl or Tylenol he's been on for his virus and tendency to break out in hives causing his crying/itching/explosive diapers/crankiness? Or is he allergic to one of the new foods we fed him today? Or did we overexpose him to visitors and new things and new places? What about all of the new drugs he's on for being anemic with high levels of lead? Or the drugs he's not yet on because the blood tests are only about 5% complete? Does he miss his mom?

Oh wait, I'm his mom.

What would the nannies at House of Hope have done? Did he wake up multiple times during the night there? Am I being a pushover or am I just embracing adoption style parenting and this will all magically work out in the long run? Where are his pants?

Wait, what?

Yes, that last question was where are his pants. As I write this we're currently trying our first hand at letting him cry (for shot periods of time) in his crib in an effort to help teach him to "self soothe" and adjust to his new sleep "schedule". Only he's wearing a new 12 month two-piece pajama outfit (purchased at the Target off of Exit 15 on the NYS Thruway due to today's explosive blowout #3) and the pants keep falling down. It's hard to stick to a hard-core my child WILL go to sleep on his own course when you're staring at the baby monitor laughing uncontrollably because his pants keep falling down. Did I say laughing uncontrollably? What I meant was...nope, that's exactly what I meant. Come on, my son has pooped all over, well, most things, so please don't judge me for getting a kick out of his baggy pj pants.

So dad's on his way upstairs to re-pants our son (in proper 6-9 month size this time) and my mind is on to evaluating the pros and cons of gDiapers after the multiple blowout day(s) we've been having that have ruined a drawers worth of onsies, outfits, and even a pair of Robeez. Should we say to hell with being green and go with plastic diapers for the sheer purpose of sanity? Or would that create a whole new guilt-driven list in my head?

We need a return of nap time sex, pronto.

Wait, what's that? Loud cracks of lightening and thunder yet a quick check at the baby monitor confirms that Sir Poops Alot is still asleep! Screw the list, I've got a beautiful baby boy to go stare at.