Drop-Offs

It was a rough morning drop-off for Ash. One of those mornings where he draws out every possible activity from brushing his teeth to putting on his shoes as long as possible in an effort to put off the inevitable. And when asked why he doesn't want to go to school he replies, "because I really love you mommy". Oh man. He usually loves school, but with all of the snow closures/delays/early dismissals this month his routine has been turned upside down thus causing some out-of-the-norm clingyness. I stopped counting once we hit 10 (yes, 10) but imagine we're somewhere in the boat of 12 full day closures plus 2 two-hour delays plus 1 early dismissal. All in the month of January where there were only 20 possible school days to begin with. No wonder the kid's a bit off.

And to top it all off Helena has finally reached the stage where she appears to actually care when she's being dropped off. Not that she didn't notice before, but there's only so much caring that a 0-6 month old exhibits. Apparently 6 months is the cut-off though as the day she turned 7 months she started giving me the look when I'd drop her off. She totally realizes that mommy's leaving and now seems to really care about it. Her eyes burn a hole smack dab through the center of my heart as they stare me down while I make my exit. It sucks.

I love my children. I love sitting on the floor watching Ash hand toy after toy to his baby sister then break out in gut-bursting laughter as she happily takes each toy only to toss it over her head almost immediately. And should the toy happen to land on one of the cats watch out, he may never regain control of himself and may wind up laughing himself to sleep. I love that my children are comfortable pretty much anywhere, that they'll go to sleep at night wherever we put them, be it at the brown house or the Brooklyn house or a hotel or at Grandma & Papas. I love that we now eat at restaurants as a family of 4 as smoothly as we did when we were a family of 3. Well, almost as smoothly. That last one can still be tricky every now and then, but Leni seems to be catching on pretty quickly. I love that there's a mini ski vaca and a weekend in DC for TFA's 20th anniversary alumni summit and a long weekend in London all in our near future and Ash is looking forward to all of it and Leni probably is, she just doesn't know it yet. Because they both seem to love spending time with us just as much as we love spending time with them. And I love that.

Which is why I absolutely loathe Ash's clingy drop-offs and Leni's laser-beam vision when I leave them at school/daycare. It guts me. I know they're fine 30 seconds after I'm gone. I know they're smiling and happily playing with their wonderful teachers surrounded by all of their friends mere moments after my exit. I know they'll be reluctant to leave when I arrive to pick them up because they're having so much fun, but after a second or two of contemplating this they'll shoot me the worlds biggest smiles and run (or be handed over in Leni's case) to my arms for the worlds biggest hugs.

But that doesn't make the drop-offs any easier.

And don't get me wrong, I do enjoy running for a quick cup of coffee (because "quick" is possible w/o children in tow) and dedicating my attention to the adult world during the work day. My preference is to continue working outside of the home full time while I essentially outsource my job as a parent to my children's teachers. I chose this.

But that doesn't make the drop-offs any easier.

But want to know what it does make even better?

The nighttime giggle fests. The long weekends getting away together. The evenings spent lingering in restaurants enjoying food from every possible ethnicity. The extended trips spent exploring the world together. The Saturday mornings when both kids are brought into bed with us and it's just the 4 of us for a few hours making forts out of the sheets watching the occasional cartoon and reading stories.

I suppose those things make the drop-offs a little easier.

Wait.

A lot easier.

But I'm still entitled to pout for a little while each morning after the drop-offs, but just for a few minutes. Promise.