October 29, 2009

#1 Way To Avoid Halloween Weight Gain

I'm having two wisdom teeth pulled this week. One on each side. Both impacted, one significantly embedded into my jaw so will require some sawing to remove. While I'm awake, watching. Well, not so much watching I suppose as completely paralyzed trying to count the stars on the ceiling in an attempt to take my mind off of the man digging in my gums. Talk about a 100% fool-proof way to guarantee ZERO weight gain over Halloween. And with that, I leave you with these significantly more tolerable images to imprint on your brain and replace the one of the man with the saw in my mouth. You're welcome.

October 26, 2009


I sincerely thank you for your comments on the last post, they are very appreciated. Both of us completely expected to have frustrating moments (days, weeks...) with the whole parenting thing, but we weren't at all prepared for the exact opposite to be true. The parenting thing is not without it's challenges, but it's the marriage thing that's been the real sticker. We'll happily bound out of bed to answer the calls of mommy and daddy in the middle of the night, spend an entire evening on the floor building trains with multiple hills even though we know he's going to knock them down every 6 seconds, and coat ourselves in mosquito repellent to appease the tot's 7PM craving to play in the sandbox. But, once the tots in bed...to each his own corner to be buried in the Internet, work, TV, or any number of things that don't equate to each other.

But, there will be progress. Even if it's in the form of bringing coffee to bed in the morning, or preparing a special meal in the evening, or even something as simple as a short text message to check in and make sure the other hasn't completely collapsed under the stress of a given day. Sometimes just maintaining the status quo counts as making progress.

Tonight will be Ash's second attempt at scaling the walls of our local climbing gym. There's sure to be progress there...

October 24, 2009

Doing, Take #2

I wrote a post recently titled "Doing" that I managed to leave out there live on the internets for about 6 hours. Then I deleted it. Then, a very good friend contacted me questioning where it had gone because she had wanted to comment on it - and identify with it - but when she went looking for it, it had been removed. By me. Because I'm apparently only able to permanently post items that don't actually expose any sort of ongoing strife or struggle. And for those of you who weren't privy to the 6 hour post of "Doing" most of the struggle had to do with mom and dad, not the tot.

See, I'm ok with exposing my inperfections. But in the adoption blogging world (these days) it seems as though you'd be hard pressed to find a blog post that does anything but praise the significant other over and over and over again. In some cases bloggers will be so bold as to describe the difficulties over the bonding and attachment proccess with thier children, but nothing along the lines of "we now suck at being husband and wife" has made it's way to the blog stream, at least not lately - or not to my knowledge.

So I posted something that exposed the fact that we are currently sucking majorly at being husband and wife but absolutely loving and rocking at being mom and dad. And then I deleted it because I couldn't think of one single other blog post that I had read that expressed even the faintest notion that that "the marriage part" had become tough. And then my friend sent me a note, saying that she gets it, and identifies with it, and now I think I'm ok with it being out there permanently.

As previously posted on 8/21:

There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
There's nothing you can sing that can't be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game
It's easy.

Sometimes keeping your thoughts to yourself is tough. Sometimes it's the right thing to do, and other times it's the only way out of a mind bobbling conundrum. So... as of late it feels like we have no idea what we're doing. Apparently upon first glance we do "a lot" but more often than not we're overwhelmed with feelings of not doing anywhere near enough. We're busy, we work, we travel, we have high aspirations of what life could hold - but more often than not those feelings make me feel selfish for being so self centered as to assume that moving my own life forward equals a good thing. I know it doesn't, but I also don't want to stop moving the "my" part of my life forward, and I also really don't want to stop the "doing" part of my life - the part that puts me 2nd and everyone else way up there at the top. And apparently, I suck at a small thing called balance that would just solve this dilemma and all of a sudden grant me a solid 5 hours of non-thought interrupted sleep for just one night.


Work (and a play date for mommy sans child) kept me in our Brooklyn home with the boys left to entertain themselves upstate. While I was off working obscene hours and grabbing a very delicious meal with a girlfriend I've seen way too little of lately, daddy was taking our son rock climbing. He was doing something with him while I was chatting and strutting in my city heels and ordering another glass of wine. He was doing and I was just, well, not doing.


Now it was my turn. Daddy had a multi-day gig in the city and I took my turn upstate with the tot. We had one of those nights where I felt like I was a good mom, which is a pretty big freaking deal for me seeing as "good mom" is pretty much close to never self-described.


When will it be OUR turn? I can't quite figure out the right string of words to put together that just simply shouts "we want to feel like we're being a good husband and wife and not just a good mommy and daddy".

So there. I said it. We constantly question our mommy/daddy capabilities but at least we seem to be holding down the fort on that front just fine - after all, the boy is a complete genius. Yet, we're kind of failing at the whole being husband and wife thing right now, we don't seem to know how to do the "doing" part of that while sustaining the "doing" part of parenting.

And what sucks the most is that most Googleable answers are ridiculously fake. Give us some credit, we can fake it like no other - we just don't want to. And finding the "real" is turning out to be a bit harder than we had hoped. We want to be great parents and we need to be really connected as husband and wife and we want to go about this by DOING. No theoretical BS roll playing and use feeling words and talk with your heart kind of crap - just the real YOU and ME and DO.

And yet, we don't. But we know we can. We just need that swift elephant kick to the ass that clears the clouds and allows the shooting stars to take the stage. AKA, we need control, and for some reason I don't see that arriving anytime soon. Control left the building the day we became first time parents to a 13 month old. Control was completely out of the question the moment we sent our son off to school after having parented him for a mere 2 1/2 months. Control, my friends, is fiction in our little storybook right now. And if we're going to DO anything it's going to require one helluva shift in the alignment of the stars. Which, I'll admit, feels not so probable but must be a little bit possible. And even a little bit of possible equals just enough control to at least get things started. Or at least start doing something.

There's nothing you can make that can't be made.
No one you can save that can't be saved.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you
in time - It's easy.

All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.

Yeah, not so much...

October 23, 2009


(Photos thanks to O's Mommy and Papa)

October 15, 2009

You Know You've Landed In MN With The Grandparents When:

*There's a woman ironing Daddy's shirt.
*6:00AM comes and goes without so much as a flicker of a feeling to get out of bed - Gamma's got the tot's early wake-up covered.
*6:00PM comes and goes without so much as a flicker of a feeling to sort out dinner - Gamma's got it covered and you're off to a "fancy dance" dinner with Daddy.

*It's so cold outside you overdress to the point that you're constantly sweating indoors and instantly freeze when you step outside, only to melt again once seated in the pre-heated car.
*Every single TV show is on one hour WAY TOO EARLY. The "Late" Show just isn't the late show when it airs at 10:30.
*It's October and it's snowing.
*It's October and it's snowing and nobody seems to think this is odd.

*The Russians seem to have taken over the local wine lists. We had a scrumptious dinner at Heidi's (highly recommend but beg you to bring your own wine), where the food was savory and the service impeccable and the wine list...well, each glass tasted like it had been chosen by a Russian who was keeping his fingers crossed that each glass would turn up a tasty vodka instead of another blasted goblet of red. Too tart, too acidic, too uneventful, and when you're talking about pairing it with the motherload (lamb stewed in Madeira for 6 hours) well, you need one hellova glass of red to go with that there dish. Well, that and another parenthesis and unjustified generalization of the Russians...
*Did I mention that it's October and it's snowing?

And last but most certainly not least, you know you've landed in MN with the Grandparents when all of a sudden there are endless pots of coffee and warm blankets and fresh fruit and soft towels and, dare I say it again - a woman ironing Daddy's shirt.

October 12, 2009

The Fancy Dance

We're a family deeply deprived of a sunshine filled summer so in our very logic filled minds booked a trip to head south in search of all things Mickey. Sure we may have had our fall jackets on while in transit, but rest assured all layers were off the moment we felt the (absolutely normal for this time of year...) love of Florida's warm October sun. One airplane closer to the fancy dance.

But there were things to do and people to see! And most importantly, bad camera phone shots of Ash's first encounter with Goofy. I swear this one is included solely for the purpose of documenting the fact that the moment actually happened. Ash kissed Goofy's nose and we knew right then and there that we were in one of those "good spots" in life where everything just seems to roll in the right direction. One Goofy closer to the fancy dance.

And then the cherry on top arrived. The kind that completes a strawberry sundae like no other.

And then it was time for fancy dance #1. One Mommy & Daddy took both boys so that the other Mommy & Daddy could go out for the night to fancy dance. PJ Party #1 was in full session, and amazingly enough, everyone was bright eyed and bushy tailed the next morning to go meet THE Mouse. In fact, if I recall correctly someone may have gotten just a bit TOO excited after the 45 minute wait when he met the mouse and left his very own DNA fingerprint on the Mouse House upon exit...or maybe it was on his daddy's shirt, but, does it really matter when we're talking about a boy actually peeing his pants out of sheer excitement for meeting THE mouse? I don't think so.

And then we waited approximately 5 seconds to meet the REAL Mickey & Minnie.

And then there was this magic carpet ride where fancy dance #2 kept creeping it's way into the conversation. All Ash knew was that this meant another PJ party with his BFF so he pretty much encouraged any mention of the fancy dance from that point forward.

And then just as we were ready to enter the Pirates of the Caribbean ride they decided it was time for a juice break. The kind that leads into the (completely age appropriate) rum-soaked and skeletons ride and right on into mommy daddy fancy dance #2 ((both boys are now pros at singing and dancing to the tune of "yo ho ho and a bottle of rum") .

And thus the next round of fancy dancing and PJ partying began. The next Mommy & Daddy went out for their night of fancy dancing while the other Mommy & Daddy had PJ party #2 with the boys. Yes, you're reading this correctly. We planned an entire vacation around multiple nights of free babysitting and Mommy & Daddy fancy dancing. And for those of your who don't get the "fancy dance" reference, well, you just don't watch enough of the Mickey Mouse Club House.

Let's just say all evenings of fancy dancing and all days of Mickey Mouse'ing (and 95 and sunny weather) have been about as good as it gets.

If only this wasn't the weather awaiting us for the second half of our trip... may the Mouse Gods be with us and shed some sunshine goodness on MN soon. VERY soon! (Pretty please?)

October 9, 2009

Did He Just...

Yes, he did. First he pulled the chair over to the window so that he could climb up and rearrange his window stickers. Then he pulled the chair over to the kitchen prep table to get the crystal vase to put the extra stickers in. Then he pulled the chair over to the bookcase so that he could attempt to climb the last few feet necessary to reach the soccer ball, the football, and the linen spray. Though when he discovered that the linen spray wasn't just another delivery vessel for apple juice he put that one back. We're screwed.

Yes, we've been aiming for the all important 36 inch mark for months now in preparation for our visit to the happiest place on Earth (which up till now I could've sworn was the mid-mountain brewery at Bridger Bowl Ski Resort in Bozeman, MT but apparently I've been mistaken all these years) but with his recently enhanced ingenuity he's capable of reaching far greater heights than a measly 36 inches. Sure he's been climbing the walls for months at this point, but he's now strong enough to stack things on top of those walls - as in actually lift things up to build a ladder of sorts as though he's trying to escape through the ceiling.

We try to harness this genius and guide it to more productive activities, but truth be told there just aren't that many ways for a two year old to safely explore climbing unless they're harnessed to a bungee cord in a room lined with marshmallows. So, he now has a climbing harness and dad will be introducing him to the local climbing gym and then the local climbing rock which will surely one day lead to an interest to climb other rocks which will eventually land him in Bozeman, MT thereby infecting him with the same delusion his parents have been suffering since our university years... That the mid-mountain brewery at Bridger Bowl Ski Resort is the happiest place on Earth.

Until then (the many many years from now kind of then), his mind will be resting peacefully on images of the generally accepted as true happiest place on Earth. Which, much to daddy's chagrin does not include the ability to "safely" climb to the peak of a 16,000 ft mountain or enjoy beer/soda/nachos mid-mountain after a day of launching off of the side of cliffs into humongous fields of white powdery goodness. I'm starting to think that the "we're screwed" part of this story is all daddy's fault to begin with...

October 4, 2009


Post #500, it should be something killer good right? Well, I'm currently working on a batch of popcorn sprinkled with truffle salt (aka: legal crack) and reflecting on a long weekend hosting family from Addis Ababa so a killer good post may just need to be queued in the lineup of "negotiate lower interest rate for mortgage" and "make sure towels get washed before they smell moldy" and "the child needs a breakfast that doesn't include the words double-tall non-fat pumpkin spiced latte".


Our heads are exploding. Ash moved into the preschool room, Daddy has multi-week gigs on the books, and Mommy...well, Mommy is just going bald making sure that whatever needs to happen actually happens while somehow maintaining the whole idea of "sense of self" which I'll admit, is currently resting soundly in the VERY back seat. But did I mention we're going to Disney World on Friday?


Ash, his best friend (Owen, duh), and the mommies and the daddies. And my only task is to make sure that I can turn on an auto-reply by Friday that screams "I'm so happy you emailed me, but I'll be completely unreachable for the next week so please do yourself a favor and email someone else". T-minus 5 days and we'll be in a very happy place. THE happy place.

Cheers. Honestly.

October 3, 2009

Mommy Told Me There Are Angels

The kind that fly and smile and swing and live

And protect

And enjoy

And chase

And trust

And love

And smile

And "get"

And BE


A family of angels