Updates and Details!

(Scroll down for some pretty adorable pictures!)

So basically we haven't stopped smiling since yesterday and have tacked on the word "mom" or "dad" to every sentence we say to each other. "What do you want from the coffee shop, dad?" "Are you going to finish that last piece of sushi, mom?" We have our flights on hold and will hopefully be taking off on June 1st, just waiting on confirmation of our US Embassy appointment in Addis Ababa before we make the purchase. We're leaning towards flying Emirates Airline and spending a night in Dubai on the way there, with just one very short layover on the flight back. Short...yeah, I'm sure that's a word we will not be using at any point during the 22 hour trip home! Now we need to figure out if we'll be staying at the House of Hope, the Hilton, or the Sheraton, but are really hoping we can stay at the House of Hope for at least a few of the nights.

Now here's my favorite part of this post - DETAILS! They came in the form of two emails from CHI moms who recently returned home with their children. They had spent lots of time at CHI's transition home, House of Hope, which is where Ash currently is. They were able to love, play with, and feed him! Below are some of the details they were able to share with me. I can't tell you how floored we were to receive such thoughtful emails from two complete strangers who had spent time with our son as recently as a couple weeks ago. Amazing. THANK YOU!

Here is a snapshot of my favorite bits of the emails - Enjoy!

"I fed Wondemu. He was so sweet, at first he just held his bottle, but after he realized that I was willing to hold it for him he started playing with my hair."

"The fuzz on his head is so soft and he seems to love it if someone rubs his head."

"He wasn't walking yet when we were there, but he did a great job when I would hold his hands. He does pull up on furniture, but very slowly and cautiously. His crawl is hilarious, he sort of does a low military low-crawl, more elbows than hands, except he sticks his little diapered bottom pretty high in the air."

"He is plumpy round with rolls in all the right baby places."

"He seems to have excellent fine motor skills."

"He is a very sweet and beautiful boy. He is very shy and serious, but very cuddly and affectionate. He mostly liked to be held."

Introducing...

Tomorrow Morning, Round Two

So here's the deal. The most probable reason that our agency didn't receive any word from Ethiopia on Friday about how/if court went is that they were without electricity due to the awful conditions mentioned in yesterday's post. The most realistic next steps (at least the ones I've created in my own mind) are as follows:

*The electricity outage didn't affect the courts and court happened, and it went well. If this is the case then we will be receiving an email from our agency tomorrow informing us that we are officially mom and dad to our beautiful son. NOTE: This means that right now, this very instant, we are ALREADY mom and dad! (I'm obviously hoping for this scenario...)

*The electricity outage did affect the courts and court didn't happen. If this is the case then hopefully we will be rescheduled for court on Monday with a successful result and will be notified by our agency tomorrow, or rescheduled for another day sometime soon and will be notified shortly.

*The electricity outage didn't affect the courts and court did happen, but it didn't go well. If this is the case then hopefully we'll be rescheduled for court soon with enough time to address whatever reasons may have caused our court hearing to be unsuccessful. This is the scenario I'm dreading.

So as it turns out my data driven analytic personality type may be benefiting me this weekend because I really do think I've sorted out all potential realistic scenarios. On the other hand I've spent the entire weekend sorting out all potential realistic scenarios...and now I have a headache. Thank goodness we spent most of yesterday planting in the garden. My soul returns to a happy place every time I pass by the back window and view the rain on our newly planted vegetables and herbs. But the REAL happy place will come tomorrow...right? All extremities crossed, here's to hoping for good news tomorrow.

Hallelujah. Holy Sh*t. Where's the Tylenol.
(If you don't get this reference you had better run out to your local video store and rent National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Then you'll get it. Yes, we're watching Christmas movies today...surprised?)

Drought In The Horn

So we're over our 12 hour moment of weakness pity party. Amazing how one article can snap you right out of anything and completely change your perspective on a day. One of the orphanages CHI works with is in the Ogaden region of Ethiopia which is referenced in the NY Times article below. Click here to read more from UNICEF about the devastating drought in the Horn of Africa or click here to make a donation. The butterflies in my tummy are back, but this time in a sick to my stomach sort of way.

New York Times
Famine Looms as Wars Rend Horn of Africa
By JEFFREY GETTLEMAN
Published: May 17, 2008
Villagers say hundreds of Somalis are dying of hunger and thirst amid soaring global food prices, skimpy rainfall and rising violence.

Could Be, But Don't Want To Be

We could be being strong about the fact that we may or may not have made it through court today and won't even know if court took place until Monday, but to be honest, we don't really want to be strong right now. We want to be at home, with his picture, maybe in the dark maybe not, just not thinking about the many ways that we should or could "appear strong". Because we don't feel strong right now. We feel helpless and we feel selfish for feeling helpless and honestly just want to get an email tomorrow morning from someone in Ethiopia who happens to have email access informing us that court actually happened, and that it went well.

There are so many times throughout the process where I think adoptive parents have to assume the appearance of being strong. Whether it be waiting on your acceptance into the program with an agency, waiting on your approved home study, waiting on your I-171H, waiting on confirmation that your dossier actually made it from St. Louis to Washington D.C. to Ethiopia, waiting on a referral to waiting on a court date to waiting on confirmation of a successful court date (which could take 2, 3, or 4+ tries) to waiting on confirmation of a visa appointment for travel...My goodness the waiting and need to be strong at all times is just never ending. And please, lets just remove the line "it will all be worth it in the end" from anyone's vocabulary. Because honestly, do you really think we're thinking of bailing? Trust me, we know it will be worth it, and we're IN THIS.

So for now, at least for the few remaining hours of tonight, we're not going to be strong about this. We're going to wish that today had gone according to plan and try and convince the knots in our stomachs to just go away. And then we're going to wake up tomorrow morning and it's all going to be better. We're going to plant in our garden and imagine Ash plucking tomatoes from the vines this summer. We're going to rearrange our work travel plans for next week so that we will be in the same state (hopefully NY) when we receive news of how/if court proceeded today. And then we'll be strong. We could be strong now, but we don't really want to be. Sometimes it's OK to just not be happy about how a day went.

No News

We just got an email from CHI's Ethiopia Program Director. In a nutshell it said that they haven't heard from Ethiopia yet about how court went today and that this is probably due to the power being out. She assured us that this lack of communication between their staff in Ethiopia and the US only happens when there is no power. She also said that we'll likely have to wait until Monday for any news.

On a more positive note she wrote that she's sure court was favorable for all of the families and that we'd receive an email letting us know once it's confirmed. But probably not until Monday. I guess the butterflies in my tummy will just have to hang out for a while longer...

Here's a link to a short article I found on the power outages and water shortage. It's raining in NY today, oh how I wish I could send it their way.

Tomorrow Morning

Is potentially the last morning I will wake up, ever, forever, without legally being recognized as a mother to a child. Our child has been growing in our hearts for a long while, however tomorrow morning could be the last morning when I wake up wondering if it will ever be "official". Addis Ababa is 7 hours ahead of us here in NY, so there is a real possibility that I will wake up on Friday morning to the phone call informing us that we are now, officially, his parents. Which brings me back to the possibility that tomorrow morning could be the last morning before everything changes. Friday morning everything could change.

I don't know all of the ins and outs of the regulations, but I'm pretty sure our boy's birth mother will need to be present at the court appointment on Friday in order for us to be officially identified as his parents from that point forward. The very word "official" in this case means two completely different things. For me, "official" is a gargantuan sigh of relief and a beginning of the life of a forever family. For her, thousands of miles away, the word "official" is causing her to dread Friday morning. Tomorrow could be a last for me, but would then also be a last for her. She will always be his first mother and we will make certain that our son knows and understands and is proud of his beginnings. Nonetheless, I'm feeling a bit bittersweet about the next 36 hours.

Yup, That Was Me

*EDITED

That was me, shouting in frustration after being confronted with the realities of maternity leave standards in the USA.

And then that was me, dragging the cats into Brooklyn for the week when we decided that we just needed to do the city thing for a few days. Now.

And yes, that was me leaving my favorite nail salon after receiving the most fabulous spa pedicure (Mothers Day gift from hubby) so that I could wear my fabulous new peep toe shoes (also, Mothers Day gift from hubby) out to dinner this week. Big smiles.

Big smiles were then topped with sheer happiness when it was me walking out of Whole Foods with my very first starter kit of gDiapers. Yup, that was me walking through Union Square with a box of gDiapers. The cashier asked if I wanted a bag. Are you kidding me? I'm sporting my diaper purchase freestyle woman!

So finally, that was me wearing flip flops to sport my pretty new toes, toting a box of diapers in one hand and a bag of wine in the other, then stopping to pick up dinner from my favorite Italian restaurant in Brooklyn. Frustration Schmustration, these are happy days.

Oh, and one last thing. That was me sporting the "4 days until court" ticker at the top of the blog!

*Update: This is me, being grateful for employers willing to compromise in tough situations. But I have to admit Canada's policy sounds pretty nice!

**Better Update: THREE DAYS!!

Jump At The Sun

Deesha Philyaw's recent post on Anti-Racist Parent is fantastic. In addition to her witty insight on "the princess problem" she lists several fantastic resources. One sent me to Amazon.com where I picked up a handful of great books from Hyperion Book's Jump at the Sun (jats) products. I'm particularly excited about Jack and the Beanstalk, but if you search jats on Amazon you'll find a slew of options. Amazon is also currently running a 4 for 3 promotion so keep in mind that if you add 4 jats books to your shopping cart 1 of them will be discounted when you check out, and if your order totals $25 or more you can receive free shipping!

Categorizing Mom

Teleflora's "America's Favorite Mom" which is set to air as a prime-time NBC special on Mothers Day still hasn't figured it out. The show set out to crown remarkable moms based on categories, one of which bit the dust early on. You see, in addition to the categories of Military Mom, Working Mom, Single Mom, and CEO "Chairman of Everything" Mom was the category Non-Mom Mom. The Non-Mom Mom category (defined as "Grandparent, stepmom, or mom to adopted children, each one raising and loving a child. A priceless gift for everybody.") was recently changed to "The Adopting Mom" because of the reaction to the previous label of Non-Mom Mom. Duh. I'd like to know where the head of the person in charge of coming up with those labels was when they were signed off on. They've now issued this:

"Teleflora is immediately changing the name of our "Non-Mom" category to "Adopting Moms". After closer examination, we can see how this may have been offensive to moms who have adopted children -- moms who are indeed real moms to their children in every sense of the word. In fact, many of us at Teleflora are “adopting” parents ourselves, including our president and owner. The essence of this category still focuses on a grandparent, neighbor, step mom, or mom to adopted or foster children, each one raising and loving a child."

Great. Thanks. Your thoughtlessness is forgiven. God bless America. Yet I'm still perplexed by the inclusion of a separate category for adopting moms in the first place. All of the other categories are defined by the mom's work status while just this one describes a method of becoming a parent. What if I want to nominate someone who is a Working Mom and and Adopting Mom, do I have to choose? Or does the fact that she adopted her child somehow eliminate her from simply being a Working Mom, would she need to be a Working Adopting Mom? The whole contest just rubbed me the wrong way.

So to end this rant I'd like to propose a new category to vote on:

Kick Ass Mom. This category is non dependent on current work status as defined by the IRS nor does it consider the method of becoming a parent as an influential factor. May we all thrive as Kick Ass Moms always.

Congratulations!

I'm a little late in posting this but...Congrats to Jamie on the newest member of The Battle Station!

Wonder Boy

Wonder Boy is the new Bean. We should have been calling him this all along, but until a good friend pointed out the similarities in the sound of his name compared with the sound of Wonder Boy we just hadn't quite caught on. So for now, at least until we can share his name (which for those counting is now just one week!) he will be known as Wonder Boy.

Although most of his wonders will take place post-now there are already a few wonders happening that are fully due to his presence in the world.

#1: Wine Enthusiast Toast of the Town. This is the one event my husband and I have attended absolutely every year since moving to NYC 7 years ago regardless of anything. We always go, always. The top wine distributors in the world and top chefs in the city go all out in a pristine NYC setting (Lincoln Center) for an unmatchable culinary experience. Seriously, we've LIVED for this event and are often the first to purchase tickets. Until this year. I'm embarrassed to admit that my dear friend actually had to email me asking if we had our tickets yet and that was the first thought I'd given to the event! ITS MAY! What was I thinking? We're typically the ones emailing our friends in March reminding them to purchase tickets and here we are in May, having completely forgotten about the event entirely and now due to prior work commitments will not be able to attend. What is wrong with us!!?? Oh yeah...we've had other things on our mind. And I'm SOOOOO OK with that.

#2: We're about to potentially wrap our last week on Earth before officially becoming parents. If all of the stars align by the end of next week we will officially be mom and dad. That's one wonder our Wonder Boy will have a hard time topping. Although there's not a doubt in my mind that he will.

Nursery Prep & High Hopes

Who knew that becoming first time parents would catapult us into the group of highest consumers of plastic on the planet. Seriously, every single box we open contains a ridiculous amount of plastic packaging, foam padding, or some other chemical-laden shipping material. Our recycling pickup is only ever other week so our recycling bins have been stuffed to the max lately. This is one area where I've got to salute Ikea - they do an amazing job of environmentally friendly packaging and shipping. Honestly, 3 tiny boxes that fit into the trunk of a compact car will somehow magically turn into a king size bedroom set. It's kind of like the circus stunt where 15 clowns pour out of a VW Bug only it's an entire homes worth of furniture crammed into a handful of boxes with minimal amounts of plastic. Children's shops could learn a thing or two.

So what did all of those boxes and sheets of plastic bubble wrap and newspaper wads net us? An almost complete nursery! I really think we're one order of gDiapers and a diaper genie away from having the basics covered. Yes I know I'm fully delusional and that there are certain to be zillions of runs to the store for the "absolutely necessary" items we're sure to have forgotten or just haven't thought about yet, but I stopped worrying about all of that the moment my experienced mother of three older sister booked her flight to visit us over Memorial Day weekend. She thinks she's coming out for a relaxing weekend. Yeah...

8 days. I got an email from our agency yesterday that said aside from events out of our control such as a family member not showing up or there not being electricity that day (Addis Ababa has been without electricity about 2 of 5 weekdays per week lately because of an awful drought) that we should have high hopes of passing court next Friday. Of course the events that are out of our control could certainly occur, we're just hoping they don't!

Happy Birthday Baby

So, this post confirms the reason God created bakeries. Well, we tried. Look forward to Ashton's 1st birthday (the remix) once he's home when we'll have a cake that doesn't look like blue frosting and store-bought letters come dangerously close to duking it out with the only winner being the lone #1 in the corner that eventually melted because it took us so long to take the darned picture. We'll figure it out, eventually, maybe, or not, but there will ALWAYS be lots of frosting and tons of candles and ridiculous amounts of laughter. Bring it on.

A homemade (Pillsbury) cake cooling on the front porch


The final product



What it took to get to the final product (We had a huge tub of Christmas sprinkles left over but of course only the red and white would be appropriate for this occasion. Only a Daddy would pick out the green sprinkles for his boy's first birthday!)


The final product lit


And enjoyed...happy birthday baby.

And just to stay true to form... 1 week 4 days TOTALLY kicks 1 week 5 days butt!!

Poor, Poor Mailman

So my last post referenced some Really Good People we're fortunate to have in our lives. Today I'm going to add the mailman to that list. OK, in all fairness he has been on the list since we began stalking him 11 months ago but recently he's gained regal status on the Really Good People list. I think that instead of a monetary gift during the holidays this year we're going to need to send him to a chiropractor or a really good masseuse. Within the past couple weeks he's graciously delivered to our doorstep (these packages don't exactly fit in a mailbox) a car seat, highchair, *32 pound box of gifts from the grandma's for our "remote baby shower", and um, our neighbor's goat just escaped and is running dangerously close to the road just a sec...

OK, the goat is safe. This kind of thing just doesn't happen when we're in Brooklyn. I've had blog-posting interrupted to pay the sushi delivery man and occasionally to enjoy the latest Dominican beat being pumped through our neighbor's window, but never an escape goat.

Where was I...oh, the mailman. I can't imagine his confusion as most of the packages have Babies R Us plastered on the side or some other obvious children's shop label and ALL are addressed to "Mom & Dad". When he dropped off the car seat I watched his eyes wander to my belly and could tell he was confused. Based on the other packages we regularly receive from "Children's Hope International Adoption Agency" and "Adoptive Families Magazine" I thought he would have put two and two together, but apparently not yet. He hasn't quite caught on. My plan is to wait until we pass court on May 16th (1 week 6 days is by far the best that ticker has ever looked!) and then meet him at the doorstep to fill him in on the news and what an important part of the journey he's been. I'm sure he'll be speechless and begin weeping uncontrollably...or more realistically will just share a congrats and be on his merry mailman way. In any case at least he'll finally understand the delivery of all things baby. And then curse us as he limps back to his truck rubbing his sore back.

*A note regarding our remote baby shower: Most of our family lives in MN and we're in NY and given the always last minute and up-in-the-air time line of international adoption we weren't able to schedule a time for us to go to MN for a shower, so they mailed the shower to us! I already know that one of the boxes is full of toys that my sister's children generously agreed to share with their new cousin, but I have to wait until hubby comes home later today to open some of the others...grant me patience!!! (The exciting kind of patience though, not the patience schmatience waiting sucks kind.)

Really Good People

One of the many amazing things we've encountered on our adoption journey has been the Really Good People group. People who belong to this group had a way of asking how the process was going without actually asking. They provided encouragement and love and an occasional cup of coffee or glass of wine when a day was particularly difficult or called for celebration. Now they're the people who are gifting fabulous bags of clothing that their sons have outgrown, items for the nursery they're no longer using, or simple pieces of advice for parenting a fabulous little boy who we can't wait to bring home. And most recently making donations to the very orphanage where our little Bean is living which I, to be honest, can't find the words to describe our thanks for right now. These are truly Really Good People and we're blessed to have them in our lives.

Tomorrow hubby heads south to D.C. where the cherry blossoms are in full bloom and I, conveniently, am headed hours in the opposite direction to Way Up State, NY where I'm pretty sure they still have 5 feet of snow on the ground. Ah the adventures a week holds.

Oh, and just in case you were wondering - the ticker clocking 2 weeks 2 days does in fact look SO much better than when it clocked 2 weeks 3 days yesterday. So. Much. Better.

Baby Earth

OK, I'm going to throw out a guess that the stimulus payments that started being distributed this week don't hold a candle to the amount of economic stimulus brought on by waiting families. After all, is there a better way to pass the time than by perusing the gadzillions of adorable online children's shops? Just when I happen upon what I think to be "the cutest children's shop ever" I turn around and surprise surprise, there's another one! Patience schmatience, waiting sucks so I'm going shopping. I do have to admit once again though, the ticker at the top clocking 2 weeks 3 days looks SO much better than when it clocked 2 weeks 4 days... Just imagine how fabulous 2 weeks 2 days is going to look!

My newest favorite is Baby Earth (environmentally-friendly baby products) where this Musical Toy Box Bench currently has me ducttaping my wallet shut. So cute, so much fun, must be responsible, must be responsible...

Harvest 3000 Years

Ethiopian filmmaker Haile Gerima directed Harvest 3000 Years (Mirt Sost Shi Amit) which he shot in the '70s following the overthrow of Haile Selassie and right before a military dictatorship was installed. It's being shown at the Tribeca Film Festival this weekend so if you're in the NYC area and are up for practicing your Amharic (the film is in Amharic with English subtitles) here are the details for showings.

I found the video below on YouTube posted by ResearchChannel. It's a bit long (~30 minutes) however is a really interesting interview with Haile Gerima where he touches on how his Ethiopian heritage has influenced his work.

TAP New York

There could be a mere 4-5 weekends left in our lives sans child. That is quite possibly the most exciting sentence I HAVE EVER WRITTEN. 4-5 weeks! This weekend was split between getting things done on Saturday and having some fun on Sunday. Today we drove to Hunter Mountain and participated in this year's TAP New York, a festival celebrating New York microbrews and local food fare. Not a bad way to spend a Sunday.

The setting was serene - a mountain hardly bare of snow yet already blasting random rays of sunshine that gave off just enough warmth to hang out on the patio with a taste of an IPA and a bite of pistachio pecorino in hand. Yum Yum! Mind you it was still a beer festival so there were certainly the groups of not-so-conservative connoisseurs but for the most part everything was perfect. Hot sauce, hops, grills, barley, sun, mountains, and most importantly lots of people gathered on a newly green mountain lawn just excited to be there.

So, it's Sunday, and we have to start yet another week of work tomorrow. But have you taken a look at the ticker at the top of this page yet? It's officially less than 3 weeks until we could pass court! There's something about being in the 2+ week range that makes me smile a bit bigger, as if that's humanly possible at this point.

Airing Out The House

Our house was first a stable in the early 1900's before being renovated and turned into a residence (not exactly sure when, perhaps 1920's) so there are an unusual amount of doors on the first floor. Four to be exact, and the floor print really is not that big. This can be torture during the winter months when they're all tightly closed just taunting us knowing full well if we open them our heating bills will skyrocket, but when spring comes they're wide open as often as possible! Take today, for example. It was a perfect 70 degree sunny with just enough wind to blow the scents of spring through all four doors. Delicious.

So what do we do on a lovely spring Saturday mere weeks before assuming the titles of mom and dad? Nest. But not in the typical sense of the word as much as the "let's complete all of those projects we've been meaning to complete since we moved in" kind of sense. I've read about soon-to-be parents nesting habits before the arrival of the child, but today wasn't exactly that.

Today we sawed a hole in the door to the basement so that we could move the cat litter box downstairs. Next we moved the treadmill to a more desirable location (the garage, wish us luck...), and then we built (well not exactly "we" as much as "he") a new closet/storage area in the basement so that we could clean out the closet in the nursery. Then we happily settled in with a scrumptious grilled chicken and corn dinner and a rather tasty malbec. Not exactly true to form nesting behavior, but I must admit we're more caught up on chores than we've ever been. Feels good.

Oh, and we also canceled the vet appointment we had for Bode to have his teeth "fixed". He's happy, he cuddles up in my lap when I'm relaxing in the hammock on the front porch (it's really cute, he actually pulls himself up through a gap in the hammock strings rather than just jump from the front into my lap) and we just couldn't stand the thought of putting him through a surgery that would leave him with few (if any) teeth. More importantly I have huge doubts that he's actually in any pain or at risk of suffering infection. The area that the vet claims is causing him "severe mood-altering pain" he actually LOVES to have pet and scratched. We haven't completely written off the possibility of surgery, rather have decided to contemplate the decision for a bit longer just to make sure we're not causing any undue stress on our boy, our Bode Miller.

On another productivity-related note, I decided to create our adoption announcements in Photoshop instead of purchasing them online and must say I did a pretty good job. (Helps that hubby is a photographer and doesn't mind coming to my rescue.) The only problem is that this project requires having the adoption announcement, which includes our beautiful boy's picture, on my computer screen all day long. Let's just say I've spent more time looking at his picture than breathing this weekend. It's just such an adorable face I can't help myself - if it's in front of me forget about it, I'm useless!

Right now is pretty OK: We're airing out the house with all four doors wide open. Our cats (the boys) are nestled in our laps and we're about to light a bonfire outside and toast the season's first marshmallows. Everything smells sweet.

One Week Down...

Three weeks to go! Three weeks from today I'll hopefully be posting about a successful court date. We're trying not to get to anxious (yeah right, like that's possible) because of the chance that it could take more than one try to pass, but then we read about other families who are passing on the first try and we just can't help ourselves. I have a feeling that the two weeks between court and travel are going to be stock full of things like packing, last minute house/nursery prep, etc... so I'm trying to take care of as much as possible now to minimize the stress later. So far it's not going terribly well as it seems that just when I create and finish one list another creates itself almost instantaneously.

For now my big to-do is getting ready for my maternity leave at work. The way the timing is working out is actually a best case scenario because it looks like I'll just be out for the summer months when my clients (school districts) aren't very active anyhow. Still, you never know what could come up and I'm always in favor of being proactive about things like that. So, for now I'm wading through a pretty ridiculous matrix of "if this, then this" scenarios to leave with my team while I'm away. It's not that I don't trust them, (quite the opposite actually) it's just that I work with an amazing team of professionals who's plates are already overflowing with responsibilities and the last thing they need is to have my mine dropped on them at the last minute. We're still not sure if I'm just going to take 8 weeks or if I'm going to use more of the 12 week allowance, but everyone I talk to seems to advocate for taking as much time as possible. I have a feeling once we finally have our beautiful boy in our arms that there wont be a doubt in our minds about how much time I should use, and boy am I looking forward to that moment!

I had lunch with a friend this week who also happens to be a colleague and we kept touching on the fact that it's really hard to complain about anything when we're so fortunate in so many ways. How could I possibly complain about deciding whether to take 8 vs 12 weeks off for maternity leave when the fact that I even have that as an option (and the guarantee of health insurance coverage) is a blessing in itself. Karma has certainly made an effort this year to open my eyes to just how thankful I really need to be for the life I'm living. I've had two cars die on me but in both cases I was able to pull over to the road and remain safe while waiting for a tow truck to pick me up and return me home. This week we got a flat tire in Brooklyn, but before I could even get out of the car there were 3 men working on removing the bolts for us who absolutely insisted they help us change the flat. Seriously, when does that happen? And today I'll be working on that matrix I told you about and my eyes will likely be bugging out of my head after hours of data manipulation and crazy Excel projects. But hey, thanks to wireless internet and a beautiful spring day I'll spend a portion of my time doing this while sitting outside in a hammock listening to the birds and a selection of Christmas songs. Hard to complain. LOTS to be thankful for.

Three weeks from today we could be officially mom and dad, and five weeks from tomorrow we could be taking off for Ethiopia, and seven weeks from tomorrow we could be swimming in the village swimming pool with our son! LOTS to be thankful for.

Dear Ashton

Today we received our first ever piece of mail addressed to Mom, Dad, and Baby. Our beautiful niece and nephews each created the most wonderful cards when they heard of our referral, and they arrived in our mailbox today! I still get tingles when I think about our referral day (April 9th), shakes when I think about our court date (May 16th), and serious heart palpitations when I dream of the day we will all arrive home - together. June 10th???

Court Date!

My first ever favorite subject line for an email was "McGregor's Referral" but there's a new favorite today - "Court Date Is!" Our first court date has been scheduled for May 16th and if we pass successfully we should be traveling the first week in June. We know that a successful court date doesn't always happen on the first try, but sometimes it does so that's what we're going to run with for now. I can't believe we're actually to the part where looking into flight options is something we SHOULD be doing! I've had to pinch myself on several occasions today and for some reason have had a hard time focusing (can't imagine why!) which is not great for Mondays which are notorious for being loaded with conference calls at work. Oh well, we have a court date!!!

(On another much geekier note this means that I finally get to start using a ticker a the top of the page that counts DOWN to something instead of one wide open with no known end date - 25 days to go!)

NY Times on Plastic Baby Bottles

From the New York Times Business / World Business Section:
Canada Takes Steps to Ban Most Plastic Baby Bottles

By IAN AUSTEN

Published: April 19, 2008

The move to ban polycarbonate infant bottles is the first action taken by any government against bisphenol-a, a chemical that has induced long-term changes in animals exposed to it.

Domestic

To some this word might have primarily positive connotations, but in NYC it tends to make people shudder and look off to the left in an effort to avoid the possibility of an uncomfortable conversation. Sorry for the gross generalization but come on, NYC is anything but domestic. At least not in the traditional sense of the word. And don't get me wrong, I actually revel in the domesticness'less of the city and the creative ways we seem to find to get around appearing to be domestic, but nonetheless...

So earlier this evening after a dreamlike day of 80 degree sunny April weather and a stop or two at our favorite local vineyards and the discovery of a fantastic new cafe my husband looks at me and says, "we're so domestic!" I could've kicked him. What a buzz kill! I reluctantly inquired why and am now wishing I would have just kept my mouth shut. He turns to me and says, "new car in the driveway, a pre-2000 Subaru (a requirement if you want any street cred in this area) and the wife cooking dinner while I assemble our new highchair for our first child". OK, less of a buzz kill but I was still annoyed. Domestic? Me? No no no, you've got it all wrong - I'm still the career and passion driven spontaneous woman you married 7 years ago...and, um, OK...I get it.

The next thing I remember I was on the phone with my sister (Wonder Mom to 3 of the cutest kids on Earth) begging her to make a trip to NY to help me prepare our home for our child. Literally begging. I now admit, I want to be domestic. I just might be lacking in some of the areas that would win me the title right now. So thank the Gods for sisters, the internet, and most of all our local wine guy who set us up with a delicious cabernet sauvignon for tonight's meal on the grill.

Domestic. Yeah, OK, I can live with that.

Got Bats?

He looks harmless, right?

So earlier this week I posted about our cat Bode who we brought to the vet because of a growth on his leg (which turned out to be a funky hair follicle) and left the vet with a scheduled appointment to have several teeth extracted next week. Fun. While at the vet she recommended that he get a rabies booster because it had been a few years since his last shot. My husband and I were certain that we were being taken and questioned why a completely indoor cat would need a rabies booster. The vets response made us laugh: "Well, even though he's an indoor cat there is a chance that bats (rampant carriers of rabies) can get into the home and on the off chance that Bode comes in contact with this bat he could contract the disease." HUH??? At that point in the visit we really just wanted to sign the bill and get home so we reluctantly let the vet give Bode the rabies booster on the off chance that:

A) A bat finds it's way into our home (I've never even seen one in the area let alone our home)
AND
B) When said invisible bat becomes visible, Bode will somehow catch it and contract rabies

I'm pretty sure you can see where this is going...

A) Later that night I saw a shadow fly across the living room ceiling. I then saw it fly upstairs.
B) We locked Bridger (our other cat who did not receive the rabies booster that day) in a room and I instructed my husband to, "let Bode take care of it".

He took care of it alright. Less than a minute after I watched it (yes, a bat) fly upstairs my cute little Bode was prancing, literally prancing, down the stairs with the poor little guy in his mouth. He deposited the "gift" at the head of the dining room table and strutted proudly back to his roost. I have no idea what a bat was doing in our home or how Bode leaped far enough into the air to effortlessly catch it, but he did. And he did it on the exact same day our vet recommended a rabies booster shot, just in case he came in contact with a flying bat...

New rule: My cat rocks. (Oh, and when your vet recommends a rabies booster - get it.)

The Nitty Gritty

We're at the stage where some of those nitty gritty decisions we all gloss over in light discussion or make "notes to self" to finalize or confirm eventually actually need to be finalized or confirmed now. Things such as:

1) A pediatrician
2) Maternity leave
3) Post-maternity leave child care
4) Dietary preparations that address the age-specific needs of the child as well as needs specific to possible health concerns, and developmental concerns for that matter

Don't get me wrong - we all read, question, and prepare a lot during the dossier prep and wait process, but preparing yourself and actually signing on with a doctor and agreeing to a health plan and letting your HR department know more than just an approximation of when you'll be out on maternity leave and arranging all of the details...well that part is starting to require quite a bit more attention. Again, don't get me wrong - I LOVE the amount of attention we finally get to pay to this sort of stuff. As I put it in an email to our adoption consultant today: Is there a cloud 20? We passed #9 & #10 long ago!!!

#1: Pediatrician
We've covered the basics of having a trusted pediatrician review the medical documents and make knowledgeable assessments and identify any potential areas for concern. Check. However today we met with the doctor who will likely be our child's primary pediatrician and now need to decide if this is the man who's hands we're going to place our child's health in or if we need to expand our options. We both like him, feel as though we could trust him, and appreciate that he has a history of working as a doctor in other countries. Unfortunately all of these countries (and the families he's worked with) are primarily caucasian and he admitted that he's never worked with children adopted from Ethiopia before, not that that's a surprise. At least he's honest. I suppose I should mention that we're looking for a pediatrician in New Paltz which is where we spend most of our time and is about 2 hours north of NYC which is where we spend some of our time. Our options for pediatricians in NYC are obviously much larger, however we feel it important to have a local pediatrician where we spend the majority of our time- right? I guess we could have two, one in the city and one in the country...that seems like it could get unnecessarily complicated though. We like this guy, he made some good suggestions (as if I could tell the difference between good and bad medical advice...the expert that I am) and honestly I'm sure he'd be fantastic. So we should go with him, right? Of course we'd really love to have Dr. Aronson as our primary physician (the famed orphan doctor) and will likely have her do the initial examination once we're home, but the fact that she doesn't accept insurance is kind of a bummer.

#2: Maternity Leave
This ones got me in a bind. I can take 6, 8, even 12 weeks if I want thanks to the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA). My company is very generous (I think, at least in comparison to the limited exposure I've had with other company's regulations) so at least some of this will be paid leave, however not 100% and certainly not for the full 12 weeks. Yes, we thought about this ahead of time and yes, we've been saving and yes, we would both LOVE to just use the full 12 weeks. But nope, still not 100% sure how much time to take but are leaning towards 8-12 weeks.

#3: Post-Maternity Leave Child Care
I will return to work and although am fortunate to work remotely from home most of the time we all know that chasing after a 1-2 year old is not something one can do while remaining a productive employee. So, in-home babysitter for peak hours? Daycare? Find other families and combine in some sort of modified daycare/babysitter routine? Au pair? We're leaning towards a babysitter who can arrive after the morning nap around noon and stay until about an hour after the afternoon nap, so let's say a 12-5 schedule when we're working remotely. Because he's definitely going to abide by a strict morning/afternoon nap schedule, right? (Oh come on, I'm not that naive) When we're in NYC we're going to need all-day care so that's a whole other bridge to tackle, but at least there we have friends with children (and the all important thing that goes along with that - EXPERIENCE!) so are confident we'll sort out the right option.

#4: Specific Dietary & Developmental Preparations
I'll be honest, he's going to be over a year by the time we bring him home and let's just be real - his first year of life was no walk in the park. There are many early intervention programs we can take advantage of and I have a masters in early childhood education so in theory should know a thing or two, but sitting with the doctor today while he pointed out all of the things we should be considering and preparing for based on an actual medical report for our actual real life child kind of turned the whole topic on it's arse.

I love the nitty gritty, in fact I often thrive on being a bit OCD with the Nit and the Grit. This is just me coming into the realization that this is happening - I have a face and a name and a medical history and a zillion questions and...well, no amount of preparation could possibly be sufficient at this point, at least not for someone who requires a 16 x 16 matrix to map the most simple of projects.

Over analyze? Me? No...

A Vet Visit & Chicken Wings

Our cat Bode is growing an extra kneecap on one of his hind legs (at least that's what it looks like) so we brought him to the vet yesterday for a checkup. Anytime we bring one of our cats to the vet our nerves are about 60% due to being worried about what could be wrong and about 40% due to being worried about how much it's going to fix whatever is wrong. After her initial examination we breathed a nice sigh of relief when she assessed that it is probably nothing other than an odd hair follicle growth and if we do decide to have it removed it wont cost too much. Phew.

Then she checked out his mouth...it's never a good thing to hear your vet screech "OMG!" in the middle of an exam. Apparently poor Bode is a victim of periodontal disease and needs to have multiple teeth extracted. We scheduled the visit immediately (you tell me my cat is in pain, I demand the procedure take place as soon as humanly (felinely?) possible!) and went home to discuss how we are going to pay for said extraction. Wouldn't it be lovely if our health insurance covered pets? Who is a health insurance provider anyhow to determine if one species is any less of a qualified dependent than another? OK I know that's a bit insane, but still.

We are responsible pet owners. We adopted both of our cats from the same nonprofit (Kitty Kind) and are very mindful of their health and daily habits and schedule vet visits when things appear to be a little off. So I do feel bad even questioning whether or not we should go through with the surgery, but at the same time we recall Bode's last encounter with dental surgery which wasn't exactly a success. The last dental visit Bode had a few years ago was with a different vet who recommended that Bode have several teeth removed. He told us, similar to our vets comments yesterday, that "he will be a whole new cat once those teeth are removed, you wont even believe how much happier he will be!" Only that wasn't the case at all, in fact Bode became even more skiddish and cautious only now he was missing teeth which doesn't exactly make eating easy.

So we're torn. Do we have her do a teeth cleaning and do our best to maintain his teeth with weekly brushings and feline tarter control products because he really doesn't seem to be in any pain or unhappy at all? Or do we go with her recommendation and go through with the surgery in hopes of preventing a possible infection? I have a feeling we'll go through with the surgery because that's what the expert is suggesting, but I'm just concerned that the same thing will happen this time as did last - more teeth removed making it even harder to eat (which means fairly regular pukings since he already has to swallow most of his food whole) and potentially making him even more skiddish. All this for a precautionary measure and to cure "pain" that he really doesn't appear to be in. I just don't know.

Oh, and the reason the title includes a bit on chicken wings - our recent healthy eating plan came to a screeching halt yesterday when we realized that if we do go through with Bode's surgery then we'll need to start taking advantage of $0.25 wing night at the local pub to pay for it...

I Lose My Breath

*Every time I look at his pictures
*Every time I step into the nursery and realize it's now our son's room
*Every time I look at his pictures
*When I read Parenting magazine and realize I need to pay close attention to the infant AND toddler pages
*Every time I look at his pictures
*When we're in a store and realize that although he's 11 months old his current size places him in the 6-9 month range
*Every time I look at his pictures
*When we find an outfit, he could be wearing this outfit in pictures with us, in 2 months - or less!
*Every time I look at his pictures
*When my eyes are closed.
*When my eyes are opened. Not open, opened.
*When I realize that I would rather keep my eyes closed until I can open them when he is there, in front of me, in my arms.

The next 2 months are going to be difficult. Thank goodness for the reassurance from CHI that he's being loved and cared for now that he's at the House of Hope, CHI's transition home. But still I find myself losing my breath regularly, and we're only on day #4 of the wait for a court date...

I plan on losing my breath fairly frequently over the next two months. This journey is about so much more than just learning to be parents, it's about learning how to lose your breath and then catch it - when the time is right. Earlier this evening I was gasping for air, and now I'm pleasantly dreaming of the most perfect little boy on Earth.

Post-Referral Karma

We're still getting over the initial shock of actually having received our referral this week. I go to sleep looking at his picture, then dream of it, then awake wanting nothing other than to be in Ethiopia RIGHT NOW loving him. Our referral acceptance package arrived first thing Thursday morning, and it returned to CHI's office - signed, sealed, delivered - first thing Friday morning. He's on his way to being ours! We received an email from the Ethiopia Program Director estimating that a court date could come as quickly as 5 weeks from now (we were thinking more along the lines of 6-8 weeks) so karma seems to be pulling in our general direction for the time being. And yet my heart still sinks into my stomach every time I feel happiness about this as I know, I just know, that his first mother is in such a different place with this right now. While we celebrate a referral she questions or processes her decision and her son grieves the loss of a mother. Its hard to understand Karma and God through this sometimes.

On another seemingly karmic-influenced note we recently rekindled a friendship from our high school years with a dear friend who is now working at a clinic in Haiti as a pediatrician. She has very graciously helped us with multiple medical questions and if you haven't checked out her blog (also listed in my sidebar titled "This isn't Grey's Anatomy") I definitely recommend it - her perspective on the day-to-day in Haiti is eye opening to say the least. We were such good friends in our earlier years, completely lost touch for the past 10 or so years, and now have been reunited under completely random circumstances (random blog searching) yet both seem to be at a similar place in life with very similar hopes and dreams of where we desire to go from here. I love the randomness of how this kind of stuff happens!

Now off to enjoy and celebrate the weekend! It kicked off with an amazing Thai style halibut dinner with friends tonight (I will definitely post the recipe, it's delicious!) and we're going to begin finalizing some of the many decisions we had put off until we knew the gender/age of our child. I still can't believe it, yet his picture (the one in front of me right now) makes it real.

We're Having A Bridger!

OK, so regulations require that we not post or email any identifying information or pictures of our absolutely precious sweet beautiful perfect bright eyed makes-me-melt every time I look at his picture little man, so in lieu of his picture I'll share a picture of our first little man (Bridger) who is approximately the same weight of our new little man, Ashton McGregor. And although I would never say this to Bridger, I must say that Ashton wins hands-down on looks. Did I mention how beautiful he is?

Call details:
So, Toni sent out the bat signal as we previously arranged, but evidently it wasn't visible from the meeting room where I was giving a presentation to a client in Virginia while my husband sent me multiple text messages from New York wondering WHY ON EARTH I wasn't answering my cell phone! It was on vibrate in my purse so I didn't even look to see if there were messages until after my meeting, and when I got to the car turned to my colleague and said, "Um, I think YOU'RE going to have to drive us back to the airport..." I noticed multiple texts from my husband with the obvious "where are you???" titles and knew something was up. So my colleague took the drivers seat and I called my husband and Toni to get the news. The next 20 minutes or so are still a bit of a blur, but essentially we learned of an 11 month old little man with huge bright eyes who we just can't wait to meet.

We sped to the airport in hopes of making an earlier flight home, and realized when we got to there that my name was the only one on the rental car so I should probably be the one driving it to the rental car return. So literally a block from the return center we pulled over and I took the wheel (still shaking head to toe) and proceeded to drive to the lot...on the wrong side of the road! Let's just say I was a bit beside myself with emotions and definitely should not have been behind the wheel. Thankfully the humongous airport transfer bus meeting us head-on wasn't too mean while I meandered back to the right side of the street...My colleague forgave me thank goodness but note to all waiting families: Hide the keys to the car on referral day - your state of mind will NOT be in any condition to drive!

So, about 6 hours and 3 flight delay/changes later my husband met me at the airport with the pictures of our son printed and tulips in hand. Our hearts are still racing and our eyes have literally been pinned on his picture all day. We are beside ourselves with emotions that I can't quite seem to find words to describe.

So now we wait for a court date when Ethiopia will officially recognize us as Ashton's parents (currently this court date averages 6-8 weeks after the referral call) and then it will be another 2 weeks or so before we travel. So, if all goes well we'll be traveling sometime in June! Once we pass a successful court date we can share more details about his given name, meaning, and other information however for now you'll just have to trust us - his story is both heartbreaking and heartwarming, the heroics of his mother more humbling than anything I could ever imagine, and his face simply the sweetest most I-want-him-in-my-arms-now face I've ever seen.

It's A Boy!

Details to follow!