May 7, 2009

Making Sense

I held off posting about Ash's big birthday weekend at first because I knew CHI was going to link to the video I created in my last post and it "made sense" to me to make sure that it was the one at the top of the pages when fellow PAP's visited. Then I thought that I could at least prepare the big birthday post so that I could publish it a day after the video post was linked to, but later decided it "made sense" to wait until the events of the week transpired before committing to the words that would describe it. And then today our agency made us aware of new adoption news, the kind that "makes sense" but is still so terribly difficult to stomach, especially for waiting families, with words that change everything for Ethiopian adoption, at least for the time being.

Apparently one adoption agency (not ours) didn't follow the rules, and gave the courts reason enough to believe that a group of children being processed in the courts for adoption finalization listed as "abandoned" were in fact, not abandoned. This prompted the courts to cease hearing cases involving children listed as "abandoned in Addis Ababa". They're not failing these cases, they're simply not hearing them right now. Children abandoned in other areas of Ethiopia are still having their cases heard, as are children relinquished by family members and children orphaned for other reasons such as deaths of the mother and father. I have no idea how many or what percentage of adoption cases waiting approval involve children who were abandoned in Addis Ababa, but based on the fact that the agency we used had 10 families who's cases weren't heard by the courts today due solely to this new rule I'm guessing the number is LOTS. And it "MAKES SENSE" to me why the courts would institute this new rule, because ANY sign of unethical activity in international adoption BEGS the introduction of new regulations, but my heart absolutely breaks for the children who have been abandoned, have been referred to waiting families, and now find themselves (the children and the families) in a state of limbo with possible consequences I don't even want to begin to think about. For something that makes sense, this sure doesn't make any sense.

I also hesitated commenting on the new regulation because it didn't "make sense" to taint Ash's big birthday post with news that is both good (because it means Ethiopia is committed to ensuring ethical adoptions) and awful (because it will absolutely result in negative repercussions for the majority of adoptions that are being handled ethically), and then, just now, things "made sense". Of course I should post this now, today, and in conjunction with Ash's big happy birthday post, because that's how this process is. The best thing in the world will happen simultaneously with events that shatter your heart. And when I say shatter, I mean really truly shatter. And when I say best thing in the world, I mean events that will rock your world more than you ever thought possible. My guess is that hundreds of families were informed today that pictures of children they have fallen in love with may never result in a real life uniting, (although I'm hopeful, along with many others, that the courts will reconsider this) all due to the unethical actions of one agency who decided they were above the rules, and could pass off children as abandoned when that was indeed not at all the case. Shame on them.

Adoption is not the best solution, ever. Ashton living with his birth mother happily and healthily in the country of his heritage, his home, would have been the best. But sometimes the best solution isn't viable, the resources to make it happen, the reality surrounding it, just can't come together to be. In those instances adoption can be beautiful and can unite families across the globe in ways that surpass the bonds of blood. This can be a truly beautiful, honest, humble, and inspiring beginning. We were lucky, our beginning was unveiled by the most perfect of perfect little boy. But our boy, Ash, has another mother, brothers, and who knows how many family and friends celebrating this week in honor of him thousands of miles away on the other side of the globe. And all of a sudden, "making sense" no longer matters.

We're lucky beyond reason. It doesn't make any sense why we were brought together the way we were, why we live the way we do, or why every morning we awaken to a new day of possibilities and seemingly endless rivers of love. But, we do, and the only way I can think of to live up to that kind of karma is to celebrate every freaking moment of it. Thankfully, as it turns out, we happen to be pretty good at just that.

Jam session anyone?

Let's make some pasta people!

No no no, let ME read that book to YOU!

Um, my new kitchen is the COOLEST THING EVER!!!

We are family

I got all my sisters with me
We are family

Get up everybody and sing!

Because every good party ends with Rock Band

The "morning after" - Ash and Owen's first slumber party!

And last but not least, a Brooklyn shout out to the new neighborhood fav Bati.
We love us some delicious Doro Wat...

Stay strong, live smart, be love. Life doesn't ever make enough sense until a sudden and unexpected swing of luck finds itself in your very fortunate lap. Then you'd better find a way to thank the hell out of karma...


Gamma! said...

We are blessed and we thank God every day for the gift of Ashton to our family. Love forever and always, mom/gamma

kristine said...

Thank you for posting about what is going on in Ethiopia. I agree with everything you've said about the situation.

Most especially about the good Karma part and the celebrating.

Best wishes for many happy, healthy celebrating years together!