April 13, 2008

I Lose My Breath

*Every time I look at his pictures
*Every time I step into the nursery and realize it's now our son's room
*Every time I look at his pictures
*When I read Parenting magazine and realize I need to pay close attention to the infant AND toddler pages
*Every time I look at his pictures
*When we're in a store and realize that although he's 11 months old his current size places him in the 6-9 month range
*Every time I look at his pictures
*When we find an outfit, he could be wearing this outfit in pictures with us, in 2 months - or less!
*Every time I look at his pictures
*When my eyes are closed.
*When my eyes are opened. Not open, opened.
*When I realize that I would rather keep my eyes closed until I can open them when he is there, in front of me, in my arms.

The next 2 months are going to be difficult. Thank goodness for the reassurance from CHI that he's being loved and cared for now that he's at the House of Hope, CHI's transition home. But still I find myself losing my breath regularly, and we're only on day #4 of the wait for a court date...

I plan on losing my breath fairly frequently over the next two months. This journey is about so much more than just learning to be parents, it's about learning how to lose your breath and then catch it - when the time is right. Earlier this evening I was gasping for air, and now I'm pleasantly dreaming of the most perfect little boy on Earth.

13 comments:

Amanda & Andrew said...

You've made me cry.
In an oh-so-good way.

Gamma! said...

My daughter - in love, again! And if you think he's taking your breath away now, just wait till you get him in your arms - you'll never let go! Don't we have an amazing God who created such love for our lives! What are you doing for the rest of your lives? :) Dream on - it will soon become reality!

julie said...

Your writing makes me want to cry too! Very soon now, he will be in your arms before you know it! Get ready for the ride of your life! He is such a lucky boy to have you as his parents-and me as an auntie of course! Had to be said! LOL! Love you guys!

gretchen lee said...

What a beautiful post!

LISA said...

Ahhhh...
And gamma topped the tears off.
How beautiful.

Misty said...

Have you thought about carrying around a brown paper bag, just in case??;-) Course the only real cure will be that beautiful baby in your arms. But then, I'm sure there will be other things to forget to breath about...boo-boos and scrapes and...Oh! Can't wait for all that!!

Stacie said...

I'm imagining you with that new-mommy glow. :) It will only get brighter as you get closer to holding him in your arms. I hope that time comes quickly!!

Paul and Deedra said...

If it helps, the care and love from the House of Hope staff is amazing! I know your boy is being taken good care of. I realize that doesn't completely relieve the ache in your heart to see him and hold him, but at least it might help you breathe a little easier : )

Brooke said...

What a beautiful post.Can you imagine how you will loose your breath when you meet your sweet boy. Oh, man, better bring some oxygen!

David said...

you 2 will make wonderful parents! we're so, so happy for you 2.
David & Zizhu

Brad and Fran Hoagland said...

This was beautiful! Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings.

Annie said...

WOW!!! I know how you feel. Keep dreaming and soon you will have that beautiful boy in your arms :)

Anonymous said...

Wow Jo, you have an amazing gift for writing your feelings, and everyone reading feels them with you and starts to cry (at least I did). What an amazing reminder for me of what a gift my kids are :-) Sometimes in the hustle of doing life, we forget that wonderful feeling. Thank you for the reminder, and the good cry! I will pray for many feelings of breathlessness as you raise this new little treasure!
Love you Jo!!!
nell