January 24, 2008

Referral Waiting

There are so many pieces to this process that require waiting and being patient, and each new wait tends to be more difficult than the last. First the home study, then the dossier, then the fingerprints, then the I-171H, then the authentication, and well, you get the idea. Before now the waiting was usually for a week or two, maybe a month, but always within the foreseeable future. We knew that the document, form, or whatever it was we were waiting for would eventually arrive. I should have expected that the referral wait would follow the trend and be slightly more difficult then the last waiting stage (US authentication and dossier to Ethiopia) but for some reason I thought that once we finished all of our paperwork and were officially "just waiting" that it would somehow be easier. HA!!!

Apparently I'm not very good at "just waiting". Especially when the wait times are so up in the air right now and could continue to change at a moments notice. Realistically, we could get our referral call in a couple of weeks. But, realistically, we could get our referral call in in a couple of months...or more. We continue to learn new levels of patience and faith daily. We've been learning to cook Ethiopian, taking Amharic lessons, reading scads of books on adoption parenting and Ethiopian culture, and even have the nursery well on it's way to being ready for little Bean. That last part of course is on hold for now until we know the gender since there's only so much decorating you can do in a nursery without knowing if it's going to be for a boy or a girl. So we continue to wait for our referral, patiently.

We've been dreaming about adopting internationally for years, have been actively in the process for 8+ months, and officially on the wait list for almost 8 weeks. But, it all seems like a drop in the bucket when I sit back for a moment and think about how much so many lives are going to change or be affected as a result of all of this waiting.

I think I'm going to officially remove the word "wait" (in all forms) from my vocabulary now... :)

13 comments:

Brooke said...

The w_ _ t word is a hard one to not say. It's even harder to not feel the effects of. I hope that your w _ _t goes quickly. It's so great that you guys are filling in the time with cooking and Amharic lessons. Hopefully that helps pass the time.

Sandi said...

This is such an interesting time. Waiting on God to find the perfect child for you is one of the most wonderful waits there are. You are there! He is looking to make the match in His time. Adoption is one of those amazing times where you can see God's timing in plain view.

atHisrighthand said...

Ahh, the wait is sooo hard... I am now waiting for our I 171 H. I don't want to wait any more.. LOL. I feel a bit like a toddler having a tantrum. LOL. Well I hope you hear good news soon. In the mean time I know God is there picking out the right child for you!
blessings,
Elise

Katy said...

I have definately had toddler tantrum like moments. And I don't think it gets easier or harder as time passes. We've been "officially" waiting, with all paperwork complete, for about 10 months. Some days are better than others. For whatever reason, reading posts like this one and leaving comments like this seems to be comforting to me. Misery loves company? I don't know. That seems so selfish. I do not wish the torture of the wait on anybody. Then I feel guilty about feeling this way, in light of all fo the true suffering that others endure. Good luck.

Stacie said...

Just when you think you have no more wait in you...you will get your call. The first time you see your little ones face the wait will be OK (can't honestly say you forget your wait time, but it's worth it)
Stacie F

Misty said...

So you're telling me this hasn't been the worst so far eh? yeehaw. But then, what is our alternative? I appreciate the heads up. I was thinking that waiting for the referral would be a nice breath of fresh air, after all of the hard work!Ah. Reality checks...so sweet! Anyways, I'm excited for you guys.

Stacie said...

Seriously, the wait stinks. I've seen people post about how we shouldn't complain about the wait, blah blah. But, it stinks. No matter if it is 4 weeks or 4 months. (Ok - 4 weeks was easier, I'll admit it.) But, when you know you're close, it gets hard and that's okay. It will just make that moment all the more exciting and special. Hang in there - I'm really hoping our agency gets some referrals soon - we've seen a dry spell lately!

Gamma! said...

Sounds like you'd better sit down and watch The Music Machine - in particular the Have Patience song! :) God knows exactly which baby is waiting for you Baby Bean just isn't quite ready to meet his/her family yet. But soon, honey, soon And the wait will have been worth every moment. Meanwhile, enjoy each day together - your life will change and all that love you have stored up with come pouring out on YOUR baby! So for now, dream, plan and take it one day at a time. Love you.

Amanda and Andrew said...

You know, I know it doesn't help to ease your restlessness, but-some of us know exactly what you're going through. This post looks like it could have been written by me, on any given day. I know that everybody tells you the "it won't be long now" and "patience is a virtue", and it seems like it doesn't help at all-so I won't offer those words. But, know that we're all here, waiting for our own children and even waiting with you-for your child.

It WILL happen. The way I try to think about it is that the phrase "worth the wait" has to be VERY appropriate for this situation. Once you see your child's face for the first time and then when you hold your child, look in his/her eyes....man, all that waiting time will disappear.

:)

Misty said...

Heck No I'm not gonna ignore your posts!! I actually love hearing your process. The easy and the heard. It's so helpful to relate, to hear what you (and everyone else) are going through. Plus- hopefully it helps prepare us;)

LISA said...

Waiting IS hard. Does someone need to print the lyrics to the Have Patience song? :) I think we need to hear it too!

Gamma! said...

Since it was a song our girls all grew up singing because their father was in The Music Machine, I'd be glad to share the words with you!
Have patience, have patience, don't be in such a hurry. When you get impatient, you only start to worry. Remember, remember, that God is patient too. And think of all the times when others have to be wait for you!
When Herbert was much younger, he often got in trouble. Forgetting that he was a snail he did things on the double. Till one day Herbert's father took his speeding son aside. Have patience have patience . . .
I believe this is one of God's most misterious virtues because we want patience - RIGHT NOW! And to all of you WAITING, it will be worth it all when your baby is laid in your arms. God bless and have a great day!

Annie said...

I'm right there with you....I am also with CHI and have had my DTE since 11/15. Over 10 weeks now...and it gets harder each day, but God's grace is sufficient!
It is wonderful how involved you are in learning Amharic; learning about the culture, etc. It's smart not only to keep busy but to enrich yourself with so much about becoming parents to an Ethiopian child.
I have seen your comments on other people's blogs and now that I officially found you, I look forward to following your journey....hey, maybe we'll receive referrals near the same time and even travel together ;)