July 17, 2008

A Moment With Bias

Warning: Pissy tired female will be authoring this post.

If one more person questions why I'm going back to work or suggests an "easier" work from home employment option or even comes to close to inferring that my current position hasn't been the result of hard work blood sweat and tears based entirely on a guided goal of leveling the educational playing field I'm going to projectile vomit and PROMISE to hit a target that far exceeds Ashton's yogurt experience in Ethiopia. And trust me, it was far. And while I'm at it, the explanation that "someone needs to make the money" in response to the question of why daddy gets to work for now while mommy needs to set the laptop down to care for the baby is just not acceptable.

Almost 140 years ago our country decided that it was OK for African American men to vote. Almost 90 years ago they decided that woman could as well. And as recent as 40-50 years ago our country addressed the "registration complications" of African American voters so that those facing voter registration discrimination could finally cast a ballot. Think of me as a woman, not as a non-man. Think of my child as an African American boy, not a non-white male. Better yet, meet us and eat with us and enjoy our presence together as friends without presumption. We're white and we're female and we're black and we're male and we're proud and we're educated and we're loved and we're loving and we just want the world to be the same.

And it's OK for me to return to work.

8 comments:

Amanda & Andrew said...

Thank you for this post. I'm not yet at the point where EVERYONE feels the need to judge me for my desire to return to work post-adoption...however, I've had several suggest that I wasn't doing "the best" for my children by returning to work after maternity leave.

I posted once about the choice of staying at home versus going to work. That was mostly my way of saying that people should back off and that it's MY decision and how dare people judge me for wanting to return to my career. Nobody thinks of judging men who return to their jobs post child.

You've worked hard to get to where you are and you're going to be a wonderful mom (I'm sure Ashton would say so-so far, I'm merely going off of what feeling I get from you!) despite the fact you're returning.

In fact, I'd argue (as I do for myself), perhaps returning to work will help to make you that much better.

You're showing your son that it's ok to have a family and a career and love is not directly proportionate to the amount of time you stay away from work.

Rant over.

Rebecca said...

Boo to the judging. No judgment here. So sorry that you are feeling that!

Stephanie said...

It is okay for you to return to work!

I read this post earlier in the week and thought it was great:

http://www.5minutesforparenting.com/35/if-every-mom-were-a-stay-at-home-mom/

Sandi said...

People are always sticking their noses where they don't belong. I doubt it brings you any solace but when I decided to stay home and put my career on hold I was judged by those same types of people. How could a strong and smart woman decide to do that, they would ask.

Do what is best for you and you will be happy. :)

Anonymous said...

Jo, My suggestion is to BREATHE!!! Your husband, my son, survivied eventhough I thrust him into daycare at 6 weeks and look at him now! Seriously, sometimes I thought if he truned out to be an axe murderer everyone would blame it on me, but I let that pass!

I agree with the women who have already commented on this page, the choice is yours and Mike's and no one elses. Please consider that sometimes things pop of people's mouths that are meant to be well intentioned. Sometimes they are not even meant for you but for us who wish we could have or should have made a different choice oh so long ago.

You're good at what you do and that's the best role model behaviour a kid could get...ask mine!


Love PC

Irenic Seeker Mama said...

Great post. Congrats on returning back to work and doing whatever is best for you and your family all around! I returned to work in January after 4 months home and while I would prefer to work a little less, I feel overall that I'm a much better Mama when I am with our son when I do have time away. Plus, he is thriving at daycare!

Anyway, I ditto the "Boo on the judgement" and while some people say things unintentionally, there are definitely some that just need to stick it!

good wishes
Jenni

Stacie said...

People always have something to say when they should just be quiet. I think this is a very personal decision. I have friends who feel like they are constantly defending themselves for going back to work - it's so wrong for people to make them feel that way. I'm sorry you're experiencing it too.

courtney rose said...

I think you should stay at home.

(If you could see me right this very moment, you might see a glimpse of a sparkle in my eyes. Just have to say that in case you haven't gathered that my humor can have a bit of a smart ass response to it. Works for some, doesn't work for others. Unfortunately all of this explanation for my little joke makes it all rather lame and not nearly as amusing as it would have been had I not typed out this explanation. And stuff.)

So yeah. I think you should stay at home. I mean, why not? ;-)